Lancelot and Elaine Summary
So there’s this guy right? He’s a real big deal around England. King Arthur, something or other. Well Arty has won many battles, had his fair share of good times with the ladies, but in recent years has decided to settle down. Since becoming King and being an all-around BA, he has held Jousting tournaments. Who jousts? Anyway, he is married to some beezy named Queen Guinevere and he has a good friend named Lancelot.
Lancelot is the best jouster guy around. He really knows how to kill people with his wooden stick. You should have seen this guy. He would literally rip their faces off. He would be like,”Get me my lance…with some waffle fries…for free.” And by God, you’d better listen. Anyway, Lancelot only needed one more diamond to win to complete Guiney’s present.
Lancelot, with his tight little body and whale skinned tights, marched up to Arthur’s place and basically laid it out on the line and said, “I’m not going to go to the Jousting things anymore. I twisted my ankle.” Totally milking it right? Well actually just lying to get some alone time with Guinevere. Well, you bet your bottom dollar, Arty fell for it.
Arty left the two alone for whatever reason, and Lancelot and Guinevere started talking about all the dirty things they would do to each other. Sick stuff like that. Anyway, Guiney being the heartless, money hungry, she-devil she is, talked Lancelot into going again to win the jewels by basically saying,” You know you love me, go get me my presents.” Guilt-trip stuff like that. Well, she kissed him and sent him on his way.
Well when Lancelot marched his whipped self back to jousts the following morning, he got lost somehow. I don’t even know how you get lost without knowing it. Dumb. He came to this castle that obviously belonged to none other than, Lord Astolat. What at a name. Well, Astolat has two kids, Torre and Elaine. Apparently Lancelot and Elaine already had some sort of past because she helped him a long time ago when Guinevere got herself kidnapped by some other King. Not even a big deal.
At the jousting tournament, Astolat and Lancelot got to talking, and being the nice guy that Astolat is, he gave Lancelot his son’s Shield. If I was Torre, I would have been pissed if my dad gave some random guy my shield. But this isn’t even about me. Apparently it was for good luck. Because God knows Lancelot needed it. Well before Lancelot began in the tournament, Torre helped him get ready. Lancelot thought it would be a good idea to give the diamond to Elaine, if either one of them won. Sweet guy. Right then and there Elaine fell in love with Lancelot. Of course.
Well that night, I guess Lancelot went to go lay down because he was balls tired. He thought he was lying next to Guinevere. I don’t know. Was he drunk? If you ask me, there’s no way. But hey, a guys got to do what a guys got to do. What im getting at here is there was some baby making going on between Elaine and Lancelot. Seriously. They had a kid together. They thought Galahad would be just a precious name.
This is when the crap really started to hit the fan. After Lancelot “mistakingly” did the dirty with Elaine, Guinevere walked in on him. If you can imagine what it is like on an episode of Maury, just think that, but back in the day. Anyway, being the dumb beezy she was, Guinevere took Lancelot back! Lancelot cut his losses and said, “Screw the kid and my baby-momma. Im outy.” Yet again, Lancelot found himself in quite a pickle. He got caught with good ‘ol Guiney. Elaine also died! She died. Terrible! A Broken heart. Never heard of that one. Isn’t that what Chuck Norris almost died of? Anyway, They were supposed to die, but Lancelot saved Guinevere from being burned to death and killed some people. Well as you can imagine, Arty wasn’t too happy, it was an all out brawl. They were fighting dirty, hair pulling, name calling, Im telling you…Maury! That’s whats up. Anyway, they could continue because Sir Mordred was starting a ruckus so they just stopped.
So there’s this guy right? He’s a real big deal around England. King Arthur, something or other. Well Arty has won many battles, had his fair share of good times with the ladies, but in recent years has decided to settle down. Since becoming King and being an all-around BA, he has held Jousting tournaments. Who jousts? Anyway, he is married to some beezy named Queen Guinevere and he has a good friend named Lancelot.
Lancelot is the best jouster guy around. He really knows how to kill people with his wooden stick. You should have seen this guy. He would literally rip their faces off. He would be like,”Get me my lance…with some waffle fries…for free.” And by God, you’d better listen. Anyway, Lancelot only needed one more diamond to win to complete Guiney’s present.
Lancelot, with his tight little body and whale skinned tights, marched up to Arthur’s place and basically laid it out on the line and said, “I’m not going to go to the Jousting things anymore. I twisted my ankle.” Totally milking it right? Well actually just lying to get some alone time with Guinevere. Well, you bet your bottom dollar, Arty fell for it.
Arty left the two alone for whatever reason, and Lancelot and Guinevere started talking about all the dirty things they would do to each other. Sick stuff like that. Anyway, Guiney being the heartless, money hungry, she-devil she is, talked Lancelot into going again to win the jewels by basically saying,” You know you love me, go get me my presents.” Guilt-trip stuff like that. Well, she kissed him and sent him on his way.
Well when Lancelot marched his whipped self back to jousts the following morning, he got lost somehow. I don’t even know how you get lost without knowing it. Dumb. He came to this castle that obviously belonged to none other than, Lord Astolat. What at a name. Well, Astolat has two kids, Torre and Elaine. Apparently Lancelot and Elaine already had some sort of past because she helped him a long time ago when Guinevere got herself kidnapped by some other King. Not even a big deal.
At the jousting tournament, Astolat and Lancelot got to talking, and being the nice guy that Astolat is, he gave Lancelot his son’s Shield. If I was Torre, I would have been pissed if my dad gave some random guy my shield. But this isn’t even about me. Apparently it was for good luck. Because God knows Lancelot needed it. Well before Lancelot began in the tournament, Torre helped him get ready. Lancelot thought it would be a good idea to give the diamond to Elaine, if either one of them won. Sweet guy. Right then and there Elaine fell in love with Lancelot. Of course.
Well that night, I guess Lancelot went to go lay down because he was balls tired. He thought he was lying next to Guinevere. I don’t know. Was he drunk? If you ask me, there’s no way. But hey, a guys got to do what a guys got to do. What im getting at here is there was some baby making going on between Elaine and Lancelot. Seriously. They had a kid together. They thought Galahad would be just a precious name.
This is when the crap really started to hit the fan. After Lancelot “mistakingly” did the dirty with Elaine, Guinevere walked in on him. If you can imagine what it is like on an episode of Maury, just think that, but back in the day. Anyway, being the dumb beezy she was, Guinevere took Lancelot back! Lancelot cut his losses and said, “Screw the kid and my baby-momma. Im outy.” Yet again, Lancelot found himself in quite a pickle. He got caught with good ‘ol Guiney. Elaine also died! She died. Terrible! A Broken heart. Never heard of that one. Isn’t that what Chuck Norris almost died of? Anyway, They were supposed to die, but Lancelot saved Guinevere from being burned to death and killed some people. Well as you can imagine, Arty wasn’t too happy, it was an all out brawl. They were fighting dirty, hair pulling, name calling, Im telling you…Maury! That’s whats up. Anyway, they could continue because Sir Mordred was starting a ruckus so they just stopped.
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